You guys I am just so freaking excited about seeing Todd tomorrow I can barely stand it.
Do you ever feel that excited? I used to think that feeling was nervous, because it’s so overwhelming and intense and I feel like i’m going to be swallowed by it, but my therapist taught me some brain science. Nervous and excited are right next to each other in your brain, and sometimes when it gets easy to mix up the feelings.
Nervous makes no sense. I’m not performing in front of anybody. I’m going to be so thoroughly entertained. Excited makes all the sense in the world.
I am a little nervous about what i’m going to wear. I know that’s silly and girly and really doesn’t matter. But! I want to feel comfy and relaxed. I don’t want to think anything about what I’m wearing once I leave the house.
Also I am not kidding when I say I am going to show this picture to everyone in the world. For the rest of my life. If I have grandkids, if I have great grandkids - they’re all going to see it. In fact at my funeral someone needs to blow it up and put it on an easel next to my casket.
So I want to look nice.
The weather always makes clothing tricker. I’d know exactly what I’d wear if it were summer. So do i take that and layer it up? Or do I wear something appropriate for December? I don't know yet.
I looked up the playlist and made a matching playlist on Spotify. I want to listen to it now but I just can’t. I feel like I could break myself with all this glee.
I wish i were better at explaining it.
Todd is important to me.
I am a fangirl.
I mean it’s part of my personality. Part of my nature. Fan Girl. It’s what I do. And of everyone alive - I’m pretty sure Todd is my favorite. Favorite? It’s so much more than that guys. I don’t just like him or dig his music. He says the things. He says the things i feel in my deepest bit of shellycentral. And then he says things that make me want to be a better person. And then he says things that help me make sense of this confusing life. And then he says stuff that reminds me to enjoy myself. And then he says stuff that makes me think about what it means to be a person and what it means to love someone and what it means to be part of the human race. And then he says something totally silly that makes me giggle.
So I’m always crazy excited - To hear his voice right as it comes out of him. To watch him play guitar. To hope for bits of chatting between songs. To sing along with my fellow todd fans. To chant the anthem at the end. To feel his vibe.
But tomorrow for like maybe 3 whole minutes he’s going to be at least partly paying attention to me. I’ve met him before, a handful of times. But those times he was really doing me a favor. Either he was out after a show or that one time we literally almost ran into each other. Oh and that one time he sent an usher for me because I wrote him a note. And so I have always just been grateful and trying to not be too much of a pain in his ass.
Not that I'm planning to be a pain in the ass tomorrow, but this is a thing. I mean Todd said oh I guess I’ll meet some of my fans if they can pay up and I said hey, I think I’d like to pay up to go meet that man. So I won’t feel badly. We made a deal. I'm just going to enjoy it. I’ll look at him and he’ll look at me and I’ll say hi I’m Shelly and then we’ll see what kind of Shelliness comes out.
It could be anything.
"Oh hi, I'm Shelly. Remember me? We've met before..."
I wonder if I have ever said "If I ever got to talk to Todd Rundgren I'd ask/say..." I'm sure I have. I wish I had made note of it in google keep or something.
Perhaps it will be like when I met Johnathan Rubenstein (the original Pippin) and I blurted out "Oh my god I love you so much!" before I could stop myself.
"Remember that one song? I liked it.” like Chris Farley.
“Remember the Uptown? That was such a better place than this place.”
“Thank you for everything.”
"Your kid liked my post on Instagram once."
“Don’t mess up tonight, ok?”
“Will you ever come back to Lawrence?”
“I made a playlist of your setlist and yeah, I’m in.”
“Yes I can hear the sound of your voice and my hands are up.”
It could be “You’re not even in focus!” which you might remember from the episode The Doctor Dances, when the Doctor was Christopher Eccleston. Rose says it when she meets Captain Jack.
I don’t actually think it will be any of those things, and even though it sometimes feels like nervous right now I’m just excited. I can’t imagine it won’t be fun. I’ve watching bits of this show on the YouTube and like I’ve said I’ve been listening to a playlist of the setlist and I like it.
Honestly, it’s not just Todd that’s exciting right now. It’s a big weekend. After Todd I’m driving to my kid’s house to spend the night. Saturday our little family (+ Hannah’s boyfriend) is going to Star Wars. I have such mixed feelings. I love those movies. They mean a lot to me. I’m excited to see what’s coming next in the story. BUT at the same time it’s going to be dark and I don’t know how I’ll handle the inevitable future deaths. (Probably by lots of crying, honestly).
Sunday a friend of mine is having a holiday party. Next week is practically Christmas and even though I’m not really a fan of that holiday, it does mean lots of hanging out with people I like. There’s that weird week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve that everybody just kind of coasts through and then it’s 2018 already. People! That’s crazy. 2018 looks like it’s going to be a great travel year and it starts with a long trip to my family and friends in Orlando in the second week of January.
It’s a nice time for me.
Now I’m going to go try on everything I own and make my kid tell me why it looks wrong.
PS. I love these photos because I took them. But I was mostly thinking about listening to Todd, not getting a good photo.
Oh! And please for the love of all that is holy don’t ever tell Todd I said ANY of this crazy talk.