This past weekend my old dog Henry wasn't eating his food. I wasn't (and am still not) sure if he can't or won't, but he would walk up to it, sniff it and then walk away. Over and over. He was obviously hungry so I cooked him up a chicken breast. He gobbled it down and I was still not sure if he loved it because he was so hungry and couldn't eat the dog food or if he just loved it because it was warm people food.
Yesterday I got him some better food. It came in chunks and seemed a lot easier to eat, but he still wouldn't eat it unless I picked out the meat parts and hand fed him. I was glad he was eating but couldn't see myself doing that twice a day every day. I was worried, but when I made him some more chicken breast he ate it right up. So that was good.
In the evening when I went looking for him I found him in my room, laying in a big puddle of his own pee. I coudln't tell if he couldn't get up or wouldn't, so I helped him up and dried him off and took him upstairs where Danny could help me get him washed up.
(Oh, that's another thing that's made me worry. He doesn't really ask to go out anymore. He just pees wherever he is when he has to. He's old and I don't mind cleaning up after him so much, it just seems like a bad sign.)
Henry has never liked getting wet and likes it even less now that he's old and doesn't think he should be bothered. It wasn't even a real bath, I just washed the underside of him but he was starting to freak out. He has seizures when he gets overly excited so I was trying to get it done before he freaked out too much, but no such luck. As I was starting to dry him off he had a seizure. Poor old dog! I cuddled him while we all stood around making sure he was ok. After a while he woke up let me hold him for a while, then he started walking around like normal.
But I was worried. There's no way I'm ever going to give him a bath again. Or get him groomed since the last time I took him to the groomer's he had a seizure right there in the lobby. He may or may not be able to control his bladder. He always waits for me to carry him up or down the stairs no days. He may or may not be able to eat dog food, which probably has more nutrition than just chicken and rice (is that enough for him to eat?). He may or may not be able to get up from the concrete floor when he wants. I was just kind of a mess about him.
So I asked on the FaceBook when people who have had to decide knew it was time to let their pet go, and 1. I was so happy at people's love and compassion and 2. I realized Hank still has a while to go before it's time to say goodbye. He still loves to eat. He gobbles up the chicken and rice every time. He gets excited when I give him a milkbone treat, or when Danny brings home beef jerky bits for him and Daisy. He is eager to eat the deli meat I hide his pills in twice a day. And he drinks tons.
If he doesn't want to climb the stairs I'm happy to carry him. He only weights a dozen pounds or so. If he pees inside, well it's gross but I can clean it up with dog towels and household chemicals. If he gets dirty or lays in the pee again I'll use baby wipes and clean him the best I can, and if he needs his hair cut again I'll deal with that when I need to.
Today was a much better day. He actually climbed up two sets of steps himself when he wanted to eat today, as well as up the front steps when he was done hanging out in the front yard. He seemed to have a great time wandering around the back yard in the good weather today. Hannah told me he still tries to catch the red dot when she gets out the laser pointer which encouraged me. So he's doing better and I think he's not as bad as I was afraid he was. I know he's still ancient. He's got a heart murmur and a leaky valve. He's 17 years old. I know he's not going to be around forever. I just never, until last night, really seriously thought I might have to help he pass over.
I still hope I won't. I still hope he'll outlive the oldest Lhasa Apso who lived to be 21. But mostly I'm just really glad it won't be tomorrow, or this week, or probably even this month. Maybe not even this year. I don't know.
Big thanks though to my pet loving friends on FaceBook. You guys helped me so much. I love you! And I thought you might want to know the whole story, so there you go.